Yesterday I stepped on the scale...it may sound silly to some, but when I looked down and seen that I had gained a pound this week it felt like a little piece of my heart broke. So what did I do? I made spaghetti, meat sauce, and garlic bread for dinner and consumed more then I should have. That also included a 42 oz bottle of coke which I finished in a couple of hours, a bowl of cheerios, salt & vinegar chips, and a block of ramen noodles, that isn't counting the reasonable breakfast and lunch I had eaten before I stepped on the digital monster.
Mathias Vanpelt "The Cross Eyed Blogger" writes:
Alcoholism can cause you to have complete loss of power or control over your drinking. For me? Most of the time I didn't care about how much I was going to drink. The more I drank, the better. I didn't want to control my drinking once I got my hands on alcohol. When I ran out I was on the hunt for more. If I had money for it, off to the liquor store I went. If the store didn't open up for a couple of more hours, well, since I was already there I would just wait in the parking lot until the store opened. If I was broke, I'd beg, borrow, pan handle, or do whatever I had to do to get more alcohol.
Though not alcoholic, I am an addict, I'm addicted to food and his writing is spot on with what I feel when I eat out of boredom or emotional hurt. When eating the spaghetti, drinking the soda or consuming the snacks that I did, my mind wasn't on my weight loss goals, I wasn't thinking about wanting to get healthy for that 2nd baby we want to have within the next couple years, and once I blew it with the spaghetti and garlic bread, I figured why not just drink the entire bottle of soda, and have the chips, and cheerios, and noodles. It sounds stupid and illogical now that I sit here, feeling the guilt and failure, but in the moment I forget how bad the failure feels, and there are times when the guilt only causes more over eating.
This is where I have to remind myself that this is a lifestyle, not a race, not a quick fix, it's a journey through life that because I am imperfect will cause me to stumble and fall, but what really matters isn't how many times I fall, but how many times I decide to stand back up again. And today I am standing tall.
So what about you? is there a place in your life where you feel you have failed? Share it! Sometimes talking about it can be one of the first steps to getting on the road to recovery from any form of addiction.
If you'd like to read more about one mans road to recovery and encouragement check out my friend Mathias Vanpelt "The Cross Eyed Blogger" .